Sunday, December 30, 2007

Rest in Peace...

Thanks to a woman on my support message boards, I found this angel box online. We still haven't decided whether we will bury her or scatter her ashes somewhere, but in the meantime, this is where her ashes will be.


Thursday, December 20, 2007


It's been a few days now since I delivered Makenna and some days are better than others, but we are trying to get through this. Here is my birth story:

I went to the hospital on Friday night and they induced me at about 9:30pm. I was told it would take about 12 to 24 hours, so hopefully I could get some rest during the night and be ready for delivery sometime in the morning. They gave me my first dose of medication and they would continue to give me a new dose every 3 hours through the night. I started feeling pain within the first hour, but it was very dull. After an hour or so, the contractions got much stronger and it really started to hurt. I began to realize that this was going to be really painful, and I was completely unprepared. The nurses came in to check on me and I told them this was the worst pain that I'd ever felt. They decided to check me and I was only 1 cm. I'm guessing they were thinking that I was in for a long night, and I felt like a total wuss for thinking I was in the worst pain ever when I was only 1 cm. Little did I know, I was feeling nothing compared to what I would feel a few hours later. A few hours went by and I really thought I was going to die. I threw up a few times from the pain and it just kept getting worse. I called the nurse in about 2 hours after she had checked me previously and told her I needed something because there was no way I could go another 12 hours like that. She gave me some narcotics in my IV and I instantly felt a little better. It was still very painful, but felt more dull. Then she left and said she would come back to check on me a little later. About 20 minutes later, I felt like I had to pee so bad, so I ran to the bathroom with Rob running behind me with the IV. I actually didn't have to pee, but then I felt pressure and realized that she was coming. I told Rob to run and get the nurse. I could feel her coming so I stood up and caught her in my hand. I stood there holding her in the bathroom until the nurse and Rob ran back in, and the nurse couldn't believe that it happened so fast. I waddled over to the bed and then I delivered the placenta. My doctor got there pretty fast, and he couldn't believe that it happened so fast either, or that I only had one dose of the induction medication, instead of the 6 doses that I was supposed to have. Makenna Hope Cline was stillborn on December 15th at 1:24am. She was 14 ounces and 11.5 inches.

Rob and I were able to spend time with her and hold her for awhile, and I'm glad that we did. Then the nurse took her footprints and handprints, so we have those. They also dressed her and took pictures, but we haven't seen them yet. On Monday, we had to go to the funeral home to take care of all of the arrangements for her after the autopsy was completed. I was completely unprepared for us having to deal with this, but we didn't have a choice. We decided to have her creamated, and they'll be sending her ashes to our new home, but we haven't decided what we will do after that.

We still moved on Monday from Salinas to Cameron Park, so we've been keeping busy with all of the unpacking and getting settled in. Rob is also staying really busy with the business and taking care of everything so that it will be up and running after the first of the year. I'm taking 6 weeks of disability so I'll be off work for awhile, which will be nice. I had no idea what to expect after labor, but my body has quite a bit of healing to do.

That's basically where we are at this point. This is the hardest thing that we've ever had deal with and I really hope that we never have to go through this again. I'm trying to hold it together, but I still break down a few times a day. I'm hoping it will get easier...

Friday, December 14, 2007

Horrible News

I know news travels fast, but for those that haven't heard, we lost our baby this week. It feels weird to say this all in a blog, but I figured I should just spell it all out so everyone knows what happened.

I had been feeling her kick every single day for a few weeks, but I didn't feel anything at all on Wednesday. This is actually pretty normal, but I was still paranoid. When Thursday came around, I drank tons of juice, and still nothing. I called the doctor and they told me to try some ice chips too, which I did, and nothing. So they had me come in at 2pm for a checkup. My doctor said that it's very common to not feel anything for a day or so because sometimes the baby just moves positions. He did an ultrasound, and when he got up to turn the lights off so that he could see better, I knew that it wasn't good news.

He just sat there, totally baffled, saying he had no idea what could have happened. There was no heartbeat and all of the amniotic fluid was completely gone. He said in over 20 years, he has never seen this happen in a completely healthy pregnancy with a completely healthy baby, just weeks earlier. At my 21 week ultrasound, everything was completely perfect and there were no signs of any problems at all.

Since the loss is after 20 weeks, it is considered a stillbirth, not a miscarriage. The worst part is that now I have to delivery our baby. I am being admitted to the hospital tonight, and they are going to induce me. It will take about 12 hours to work, so I should go into labor in the morning and delivery the baby sometime on Saturday. This is basically my worst nightmare, but I have no choice but to go through the motions. My doctor said they will do a full autopsy and hopefully they will be able to find a cause. He said usually when there is a stillbirth, it is caused by a problem with the cord or placenta and he said my chances of this happening again aren't any greater because it happened this time. I'm not sure if I'll be out of the hospital on Saturday or stay until Sunday. Then we are still moving on Monday as planned.

Rob got the first flight home that he could and he should be here in a couple of hours. My mom drove into town last night so I wouldn't be alone, so she's here too. Please pray for us, because all that I can think to say is that this weekend is really going to suck. I'm still in shock right now and I feel like I'm just floating around, not really sure what to do.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

23 weeks

23 weeks
Starting weight: 155
Weight: 155
Waist @ Bellybutton: 35

Here is my belly at 23 weeks:

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I can't believe that we are finally moving on Monday! I can't wait to get settled into the new house and I really can't wait to set up the nursery. It's going to be so cute. Here is what we've picked out:

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I wish I didn't have to work all week because I'm going to want to unpack everything, but it's the final work week of the year for me, and I am totally swamped right now! Rob's going to have to unpack everything, which is fine by me, since I packed it all up anyway. :) My back is a little sore from all of the packing, but other than that, I'm feeling good. I'm still in my regular pants/jeans, but my shirts are starting to not fit! I tried on a few tops the other day to go to work, and they were a little too tight, and my extra long tanks are not so long anymore. I may have to go buy a few more tops. My belly is definitely expanding by the week now, but I love it! I finally look pregnant, and actually got my first pregnant comment from a stranger over the weekend. :)

22.5 weeks

Well, this has been a crazy week! I've packed up almost the entire house now, but it hasn't been easy. I can't even begin to explain how overwhelming it is to pack a whole house up, not to mention working full time and being pregnant (ie hormonal!). Thank goodness my mom came down and helped this weekend, because I was about to have a nervous breakdown...thanks mom! :) Now I'm down to having only a few boxes worth of stuff left to pack, which is a relief.

So our new neighbors came over and just asked the dreaded question...'can you trim your pine tree so that it doesn't hang over into our yard?' Sounds like a simple request, except I think our pine tree is about 500 years old!! It's seriously the hugest tree ever, and it covers a lot of their yard so it could cost $1,000 or so to have it trimmed. Like we can afford that! So I did a little research and found that according to California law, it is the responsibility of the neighbor to trim the tree that covers their yard, even if it is growing in someone else's yard. That means, technically, we could be mean and tell them that they have to handle it, but I hate to be mean. Maybe I could get a quote and see if they want to split the cost? Any advice?

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

22 weeks

22 weeks
Starting weight: 155
Weight: 154
Waist @ Bellybutton: 34.5

Here is my belly at 22 weeks:
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So my belly is so huge compared to last week! I can't believe how much it's grown. So Makenna kicks me all the time and is usually active all evening. So in addition to my waterbirth, I've decided to try hypnobirthing. I know it sounds strange, but as Kristen says, it's just guided relaxation. I'm willing to try anything to have as little pain as possible. We're going to actually take the hypnobirthing classes from someone that is certified near us, and we start our first class Jan 8th. If you're not convinced, just check out this segment from Dateline. By the way, based on the women's hair, I'm guessing it's from the 90's, but whatever.