Horrible News

I know news travels fast, but for those that haven't heard, we lost our baby this week. It feels weird to say this all in a blog, but I figured I should just spell it all out so everyone knows what happened.

I had been feeling her kick every single day for a few weeks, but I didn't feel anything at all on Wednesday. This is actually pretty normal, but I was still paranoid. When Thursday came around, I drank tons of juice, and still nothing. I called the doctor and they told me to try some ice chips too, which I did, and nothing. So they had me come in at 2pm for a checkup. My doctor said that it's very common to not feel anything for a day or so because sometimes the baby just moves positions. He did an ultrasound, and when he got up to turn the lights off so that he could see better, I knew that it wasn't good news.

He just sat there, totally baffled, saying he had no idea what could have happened. There was no heartbeat and all of the amniotic fluid was completely gone. He said in over 20 years, he has never seen this happen in a completely healthy pregnancy with a completely healthy baby, just weeks earlier. At my 21 week ultrasound, everything was completely perfect and there were no signs of any problems at all.

Since the loss is after 20 weeks, it is considered a stillbirth, not a miscarriage. The worst part is that now I have to delivery our baby. I am being admitted to the hospital tonight, and they are going to induce me. It will take about 12 hours to work, so I should go into labor in the morning and delivery the baby sometime on Saturday. This is basically my worst nightmare, but I have no choice but to go through the motions. My doctor said they will do a full autopsy and hopefully they will be able to find a cause. He said usually when there is a stillbirth, it is caused by a problem with the cord or placenta and he said my chances of this happening again aren't any greater because it happened this time. I'm not sure if I'll be out of the hospital on Saturday or stay until Sunday. Then we are still moving on Monday as planned.

Rob got the first flight home that he could and he should be here in a couple of hours. My mom drove into town last night so I wouldn't be alone, so she's here too. Please pray for us, because all that I can think to say is that this weekend is really going to suck. I'm still in shock right now and I feel like I'm just floating around, not really sure what to do.